Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
