My nipple is on Facebook.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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