Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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