there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Everclear isn't food dammit
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