He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
