Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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