I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
