Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
