im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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