I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
