My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
