I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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