i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
