Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
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