drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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