Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
