We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
