so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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