So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
