I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
no, he came in my armpit
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
