The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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