he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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