I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
