my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
