its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
