bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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