i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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