I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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