We won't sleep together?
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
