Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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