let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
