I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
