He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
