is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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