I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Randomize
