eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
