I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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