She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
