OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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