I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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