So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
