I am puke
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
