At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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