I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
