I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
