so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
