Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
