ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
