ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
