also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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