please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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