I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
