Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
