I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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