Whatcha textin bout Willis?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
