Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
