u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
